Friday, September 18
sour bitter lousy ugly hungry annoyed irritated
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
1:18 AM
Friday, July 3
I can't believe it as that fuckin hard to find panadol.
Never in my life have I done such a thing that I just did today.. not sleeping properly (<3hours of sleep in 2 consecutive nights...) I woke up, conscious enough to put on a bra underneath my sleeping clothes, before running down to the office, only to be turned away saying that H1N1 cannot be self medicated. So, off I ran, smelly breath coming out of my mouth with unbrushed teeth.. I ran on and on till I reached 18-01-277 only to find that zl was either sleeping (there was an unidentifiable lump/heap/wad of thingamajig on the bed rolled up together with the blankets) or bathing (heater was on and water sounds coming from toilet.. and if thing on bed was not him.. .. ..). So, off I ran, up the slope to Canteen 2, debating whether or not to get porridge from Canteen 1 =x and waffles for myself from 2.. but I quickly cast those thoughts aside and ran into the mart, pausing for 3 seconds to savour the aircon and catch my breath. $5.40. Panadol is sure getting more expensive these days.. =x sigh. Then began the final run back to the room.. only to touch a burning forehead and take a terrible temperature reading of 39.5deg celsius on the thermometer window.
I could have killed you, for running such a high fever.
ARGH!
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:03 AM
Sunday, May 24
Decided that I'm too attached to whatever's in here to delete it.. it contains like..
ALL my memories.. or at least most of them.
I shall just abandon this place and come back only when I feel like it ad I have the time.. Will be blogging elsewhere or taking a break from blogging altogether.
It'll be a whole new experience next semester.. without hall. Planning timetable will be a challenge.. There wont be a place to run back to to shower in the middle of the day.. I'm still undecided if I should stay till super late then just take the last transport home/ squat in hall 10 or just.. go home once the day ends. There'll be main comm meetings.. what if they last till 11pm plus plus plus? Will I manage to manage organic? What else can I fill my timetable up with? Lord.. Show me what you think is best for me? For us? For me.. and well.. you know.. ;p
P.S : night at the museum was so so.. the first one was better (:
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:33 PM
I was thinking of closing this blog..
Should I?
Will be embarking on a not-so-new "new" journey really soon.. A new blog perhaps? And this time.. It'll be private..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:28 AM
Friday, May 15
It's been only seventy-four days.
In these seventy-four days, it feels like I've experienced everything that I could have experienced! OMG!
I'll blog soon. Some other things are keeping me busy for the day ): And there's a full day of training tomorrow ): My hamstrings are killing me and I'm in need of a big hug and some really good ipoh hor fun with 20 pieces of chicken meat, 10 prawns, many stalks of green vege and nice sauce. HEH
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
12:47 PM
Sunday, May 10
In slightly more than 12 hours..
Let me not screw this up.. please..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:06 PM
Wednesday, April 29
I hear their laughter.
I hear their voices.
The unison of their laughter..
The excitement in their voices.
I hear enjoyment, in first degree.
But above all, I hear her voice.
I hear her laughter.
Something I'll never get to hear first hand..
I'm wondering, why am I not there?
Is it because of her?
Why am I letting someone like her rule over my emotions, manipulate my thoughts, worry me, demean me, make me feel ever so small? Noone has ever did this to me before..
And tonight, time slows to a crawl.
thank you chris, for the parcel in my postbox. it was so timely, it really cheered me up after all my papers.. thank you for the card with the lovely doggie on it.. your handwriting is bad, but i like it. it hasn't really changed, from what i recall, 5 years ago. it's been a long time.. i really miss you. i wish we'd spend more time together in the past, but i guess life presented us with a truckload of other things.. thank you for never losing touch with me.. through msn, through sms, through calls.. i don't think i could ever find another you in this world. someone so beautiful, inside and out. study well.. you'll make the world's best vet in my heart. and that is enough..Oh, I am so emotionally drained right now..
stripped bare. right down to the core
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:12 PM
Tuesday, April 28
My last paper.
Our first date.
57 and counting. Let it multiply to 5700 and beyond.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:38 AM
Saturday, April 25
I hardly slept.. these 2 nights especially..
Remind me to blog about the thing that I told Joel.. About women and their insecurity, paranoia, jealousy and jumping to conclusions, putting people down.. making them feel really small and how I hate expectations, how I hate myself for hating them, my own stupidity into thinking that I had to gain HER acceptance in order to grow closer to him. Eew. Fking bitch.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:36 PM
Friday, April 24
Will you look at me each day and never grow tired?
Will you stop trying to look at my 6 inch diameter mosquito bites?
Will you keep me going when I don't wana run anymore?
Will you love my dog more than I could ever love him?
Will you take me out to places I've never been?
Will you walk me through routes I never imagined I would walk?
Will you guide me and watch me excel?
Will you never shy away from what I believe in?
Will you always write to me, even if I do not reply?
Wil you let me be the one to call on you to wake you up?
Will you be the subject of my photos unknowingly? HAHA
Will you play the games I wana play?
Will you keep smiling and frowning and be as stubborn as you are now?
Will you never get tired of having meals with me?
Will you watch sunset from the other end of the world as I am here in pulau NTU watching my own sunset?
Will you give me the char siew in your noodles?
Will you quell the 3 hour stomach frequency that I have and try to extend it?
Will your face still manage a hundred changes in a day like I've seen it?
Will you hold my toes when they're cold?
Don't change..
Please, just be you.
P.S : Ryan, words cannot express how grateful I am to you.. I think I could say that I love you.. for being you. Ever so true to yourself, so bubbly, teaching me everything beyond the borders of a textbook, throwing away my lecture notes, educating me about life and piquing my interest in every little damn thing. Thank you.. .. .. <3 Really. Friends for life!
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
5:40 PM
Thursday, April 23
Did all that I went through lead me to you?
I slept at 4am.. doing last minute studying and figuring out of past year papers.. ever so confident of the formulas that I could remember, (doing xy's tutorials really helped me alot.. I need to thank him, if I pass this exam..) I poured through the notes, taking note of the necessary formulas, practising and practising questions and taking breaks with facebook in between.. only to enter the exam hall today and find that.. everything that I studied did not come out, I did not know how to do a complete question, I left abut 50marks blank, I had no time to go back and ponder over the questions that I had doubts about, those questions that I wrote something down.. I'm not sure of what I wrote and about half of it was crap, trying to smoke out a few equations to assist in my retarded calculations.. in the hope of getting some marks. SIGH!
Did I ever mention how gentle the gaze of your dark brown eyes are?Chionged off with the girls to the palette toilet after the exam and shuttled back to canteen 2 to get comfort food - round cakes, kaya waffles, pink guava juice.. then went to tompang Gavin's fridge and talk to junliang about some stuff ): Exams exams exams exams. He says it like it's so easy. Just cos he's smart and he knows that the least he'll ever get is a B+.. no wonder geniuses are always lonely and hardly any eq.
Anw for today's paper, I calculated a total minus of 81 marks, which leaves me with 19.. .. .. .. .. sigh. As long as I don't get a single digit jiu ke yi le!! God please help me!! I can't afford t fail my core! If I'd known that this sem was gona be so chui, I'd have S/Ued 112 as well.. after this, no more cores to S/U ):
Then again, enough of exams. Here's something lovey to make your skin crawl with mushiness..
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
To hear you gulk when you drink
To see your raised eyebrows when you think
How many times will you watch me stumble, laugh out loud, then pick me up?Caught two sunsets this week already.. I'll do it alone next sem as well.. always. I think 2 sunsets a week is healthy (: Just enough to get through a tough and rough week.
Haven't done ANYTHING constructive since 112 ended except sms people, whine to those who'd listen, play with larry and budbud, play facebook like mad and watch ANTM cycle 12 and look for movies and anime to watch after the exams. I also called sarpino's to ask if they were 247 and also went for a walk to cant 5 for a disappointing dinner.. the tze char stall is under renovation! So much for my niu rou he fen craving.. and the chicken rice stall closed like before 7.30pm! Seriously man! They should have extended eating hours during exam period ): ): and only do reovations after that. SIGH! Okay, I really should start studying physics le.. tata
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:28 PM
WAHAHAHAH.
R Yvette Low watched the arsenal-liverpool match at 3.30am till 5.30am and had breakfast till 6.15am before going back to sleep till 9.15am.
And her 112 is so.. .. .. .. she so did not cover 112. Screw my exams la. Just screw 'em.
Anw, happy belated birthday Sam!!!!!! I got you over sms right? And your facebook wall.. haha and I've been maintaining your email can!?!? Why is your facebook news in frigging CHINESE!?!?!?!? Anw... Be careful when you get home.. your sister told me that she was going to kill you.. and your mom is the best (coolest) ever!! <3 Let's visit her during my 3 month break.. I wana do my eyebrows :D
I think I don't have to sleep tonight if I wana cover syllabus for 112. I tried everything already.. it's just.. not working ): I really tried.. I think..
Show me some way.. give me some motivation.. tell me, is this right?
Love me, budbud!! LOL
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
2:09 AM
Sunday, April 19
R Yvette Low is so damn frigging tempted to watch liverpool-arsenal on wednesday morning at 3am.
I should support my daddy on this one. Then again, I don't want HIM to snigger in my face if they win. Lol. Dilemma! Even harder than 112 and pap182!
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:30 PM
Am crying inside.
I can't wait for all this to be over. All I wana is do, is step out of this mini world.. I've been way too cooped up to breathe.
I hope you're doing okay over there..
Lost as I am here, I will find a way to pull through so that I can catch up to you and walk by your side.
Let us always meet each other with a smile, for a smile is the beginning of love-Mother Theresa
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
3:49 PM
What is YOUR notion of heaven?
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
2:49 PM
Saturday, April 18
Currently feeling uber unmotivated.
Feeling hungry as well..
the only few words resonating in my head are.. i wana give up.. and how long more will this last?
But then, there's you.
KY dear, jiayou okay. Ytd and today.. let's take them as some "down time" to recharge and recover from the def science and math shock for you.. and for me, econs, def sci and sting shock! Lol. Let's work harder tomorrow to make up for it!! Even though I have to attend a bloody tea ceremony and wedding at night.. at sentosa.. urgh. Seriously.. such a waste of time. Having to leave school early, having to dress up, wear killer heels (which mom just bought for me just now at a $40 to $28 discount!) and make up, then having to xie zhuang when I reach home => not being able to just PONG onto the bed and nua.
Drats. And I've put on weight.. shall see if I should wear the pink bustier tomorrow..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
1:09 AM
Wednesday, April 15
i hv nvr evr felt so frigging screwed before in my entire 19 years. 19 and a half. for my first paper, due to my incompetency and lack of speed practice and perfectionism, i left 40marks blank. its pretty impossible to get the other full 60 marks correct, so i predict i'll get about 40marks in total. 70% of that plus 24 will give you my final grade = there goes my only hope of getting an A to pull up my GPA.
defence science today was a disaster. i slept at 4 last night and went for the exam this afternoon only to find that i did not study the bigass topic ionosphere. and damnit! all the questions of ionosphere came out from the notes.. about 10 questions? there were 40 questions which i have absolute confidence in.. so the other 60.. lets say i get 15 correct out of clever guessing and tikam.. okay, i hope i'll barely pass. met gavin's roommie after the paper and saw from the look of his face the chuiness he was in for too. ben gang cheated us lorz. he told us that there'd be 50 questions.. turns out that there were 100! and we were not spared from any topic at all. every topic..at least 8 questions. and the options were chao tricky can! i changed like 3 of my ans and they turned out for the worse when i went back to check =.= and we weren't allowed to bring the paper back ): so cannot agar how many marks i get. sianz.. i was flipping through the notes upon retuning to my rain-insect-infested hostel room and to my dismay, i got at least 10 questions wrong le. DIE.
if anyone fails defence science right.. they have the right to stab themselves and jump down, leaving a bloody trail in their wake.. arghhhhh.
and under some incomprehensible influence, i have decided to skip maths tomorrow because i am totally unprepared, some unpleasant stuff happened today and my brain really isn't functioning anymore. all this coupled with the fact that i have to get like 70 marks cos 96% will be taken from this eoy exam and i will probably be seeing a U grade instead of an S and thereby wasted my S/U option on maths..and STILL need to retake next year. i'll put more time into playing facebook and 112, 182 and 122 of course.
i was sort of joking about the facebook thing. haha.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:37 PM
Monday, April 13
I slept at 5.30am plus this morning. Was planning to catch a lonely sunrise, but my stomach couldn't take it.
Arose at 9am and mooched around doing unconstructive stuff. Finally decided to get out of the room and study cos it was getting too depressing, being alone.
The feeling is truly weird.. why do I miss Sam so much just cos he's not in Singapore? Sigh. Either way I don't get to see him ma.. sianz. Anw Sam if you have internet over there and you are reading this, you better spend your nights dreaming of how to impress at the interview. I'm looking forward to free treatment and beautiful white pearlies for free in the very near future.
Wen to a different place to study today.. then had peer tutoring, and met a dying ikan bilis for dinner. The ikan bilis in my u-mian was like.. sian lor! So soggy and turn off ): Then today there was barely any meat and vege ): Shall eat cai fan next time; more value for money.
Okay, it's 11pm now and I seriously ought to chuck my lappie outta the window, let it crash down 7 flights of stairs, break into 3 pieces and spontaneously combust before I can REALLY start studyng. I feel completely unprepred for everything, really. Not exaggerating.
Byebye. OKAY, decided to go for SP open with Ade and Mil since XY, Aaron and Joel are more or less teaming up to go for it. But! There's only one day to train then go out there and do our thing! God, will I be able to manage? =x Give me a vision.. like you always do. I know you speak to me like that..
-huggs orange jacket and keels over onto bed-
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:56 PM
I must have spent 3/4 of the day looking for good websites to surf instead of pouring over my textbooks, my lecture notes, my tutorials, my elearning (still undone after 2 weeks - there, I told you I was the Princess of Procrastination!)..
I'm busy searching for answers that I know I will not find..
Why is it so?
Why is
this so?
Is it because I haven't met
them yet? And the only ones I've encountered so far.. made me set them as the standard?
I already have in mind what gift I shall bring on that very day.
Can you feel it?
The hour is at hand.
I never liked expectations. In fact, I loathed them to the very core. But what someone said "expectations, there will always be" and a little somefing about desire, and letting desire surprise.. struck a new chord. Something unheard of.. something not quite right, but has now settled down in my yearning heart.
Okay, math has made me delirious. Onto Econs, shall we?
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
1:08 AM
I missed you since the day you said you were leaving.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
1:07 AM
Friday, April 10
X Men - Wolverine comes out on the 29th of April.
If the girls are up for it, I propose to all get our hair done after watching the movie somewhere!! Whoohoo :D And of course, before going out, I'll have lunch with roommie dearest in school and send her off for her exam, then go back to hall and totally packup and get ready to move out hey-ho!
2nd May - training starts :D
9th-11th May - senior's camp. I plan to give it a miss for now cos qualifying rounds for NUS indoor are on the 16th and Sbw Open Championship is on 23rd and 24th and I need all the time in the world to train up and do XY proud! And also so that he'll give me all his year 2 notes - sem 1 and 2.
Night at the Museum 2 will be out on the 21st of May! I am SO SO asking mom and dad/ Jonathan to watch with me :D
Then comes qualifying rounds 2 on 30th of May.. Another round of nerve-wrecking torture. In-the-process-of-retirement captain says that tentatively, the qualufying score is 250!! Insane!! But I somehow think I can pull through. I am so so so aiming for 268 can!? I love that number somehow.
June 13 and 14th are NUS indoor proper..
In July, ice age 3 comes out on the second. SOMEONE PLEASE WATCH WITH ME! And Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out on the 16th! OMG! I totally have to watch that too! ARGH!!!!!
Why am I even typing all this when I'm supposed to be studying for maths. Today's progress has been absolutely depressing. I should stab myself! AHHHHHH.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:03 PM
Thursday, April 2
March was the eventfullest month so far this year!
Oh God, what terrible English, but anyway.. the main highlights were.. [pardon me, i'm gona list cos i so feel like listing them out like that off my calendar]
ange's birthday, ange's belated birthday dinner at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao with the girls,
meeting-the-dad, a sweet week,
letting dad in on a secret,
canteen 1 good food, fish soup bee hoon (tantalising),
saturday shoot and study, mom dug it out/ i let it slip/ a good opportunity just popped up to tell the truth,
mrt back to school and shopping at the new fairprice extra and getting supplies for the week - honey baked ham, president's cheese, pandan bread and white bread, apples, fruit juice, khong guan biscuits.. the run outta school for prawn and chicken hor fun, the discovery of canteen 1's duck rice (crispy skin, juicy and tender meat, sweet sauce drizzle over a mound of fluffy rice, cooked with fresh mushrooms and cong plus a bowl of soup to wash the meal down only for $2.50), meeting gerald one night whilst taking a walk to check out the fountain outside the heritage centre, letting joel in on a bigass secret, the humiliation that e and xy had known since week 1..
Oh, so much more. It's hard to express.. but ask me in person and I'll gladly tell you!! I think.. Well it depends on who you are. HOHO. I'd tell you everything, sista! :D
Anw, missing squash, aston's and those tspiahs. Maybe I'll get them on Monday before heading to school.. ARGH. Now it's time for resume,
company profiling, 1 set of defence science notes and 2 sets of 112. Shall update in greater detail when the time is right..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:32 PM
It's been QUITE awhile since I blogged properly.. .. .. .. ..
I don't know how to even begin!!
Well, let's begin with today.. Or just now rather. I had ba chor mee jia fishball for dinner and popiah afterward! Went for a run before that so could afford to eat more.. wahaha. After that, went shopping for supper and breakfast for tonight, tomorrow and saturday :D
Before the run and before leaving school, was hanging around old cant A/ lwn with xinxian, caleb, ky.. met gerald in lwn then after that walked to old cant A where he was studying with kelvin, gavin, jun jie, meech.
Waaaay before that, ws having lunch at cant 5 before walking over to math tutorial with ky.. after that hung around cant B with caleb, sh, ky and did some last minute cramming, which seriously didn't help, before the paper. And the paper sucked. I wanted to get chocolate after that to perk me up, buy feeling the thinness of my wallet, I decided against it and cheered up with econs in the library.
Whoah, did I just narrate my day backwards? Oops. Hope whoever who actually reads this to make some sense outta it.
Shall start a new post for whatever happened last month.
OH OH before I forgot. Remember the physics test I mentioned?The one I had on tues.. about optics, quantum and atomic physics? I somewhat aced it.. with at least 90%. If not then I really got full marks. BUT! Only because 7/10 of the questions were taken word-for-word, value-for-value, option-for-option from last year's mid term paper. SIGH. Slightly disappointed yet very relieved.. oh well I don't really know what I should be/ am feeling now. Disappointed cos it was not a challenge at all, but memory work and relieved cos I know.. or I think I am gona get a high score for this one.. Argh, uni. Sucks.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:11 PM
I slept at 4am plus! Omg. Madness. Shall update tonight about my super eventful March. I can't believe it's April already! Am in a phase of time denial.. is there such a thing? Haha. Off to get breakfast now, from somewhere downstairs. What should I eat? Oh, it's been so long since I got to sleep late ad wake up late. There're no lessons today! Only the mid term paper at 3.30pm. And tomorrow, no lessons till 3.30pm too! Sigh. Tonight need to chiong resume. Or should I do it tomorrow? Heh. This paragraph is a mess.. I'm still in sleepy mode. Shall come back later, if I stilll have the mood to blog. Tata for now..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:04 AM
Tuesday, March 31
It's been a month and I'm not complaining. Neither am I looking back. In fact, I'm moving on..
on..
on...
on.....
on to infinity and beyond..
with you.
If any bit of me is being naive, stop me. Stop me now. Before it's too late.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
12:02 PM
Sunday, March 8
How should I begin?
Friday started off with unpacking an electric blue riser over homemade breakfast in hall (melts) before meeting ky to walk over to school. After that one bloody lesson ended at 1015am, I was supposed to be free for the day until evening.. but we had to do hw111 ):
And we actually stuck around in school (flitting from cant B to spms tutorial room 18) till 5.38pm (yes, I remember the timing) before I finally could rush off and back to hall. Ended up not doing much until 8.30pm and like OMG DINNER!? Had canteen 2's cai fan :D Mom and dad came around 9.30plus? I wanted to KO in the car on the way back but I just had to keep mom entertained about ntu's weekly happenings =x
Fell into a somewhat troubled sleep around 1am plus after packing up stuff for hostel use for the next week..
Wokeup early today and panicked cos I tot I was gona be late.. but made it on time and met up with KS, L, G, F to walk to the range! Hall oners :p Training wasn't anything that I expected.. in fact it was a waste of time.. Nevermind, weekday trainings next week please.. I will need company on tuesday I think. And should I skip physics on wednesday? Heee :D
I only enjoyed lunch with jj ade and gavin at cant 2.. went vegetarian today! Totally veggie and tofu - mental note : owe jj $5 cos I forgot to bring my wallet =.= scooted back to hall from training reallllllly fast to bathe and take down/ wipe up/ dry/ air/ do equipment maintenance. Then packed up physics and set off when dad came ):
Today shall be a lonely day.. am considering going back to hall tonight to organise my room cos it's in a total mess.. my lappie contains my final speech for hw which I haven't memorised yet.. my entire econs file is there and I need to take lect notes for Monday and I needta do the tutorial! ARGH! And I whacked myself at least 6 times during training today (though it was worth it cos each time i hit myself i got an X) and left my hirudoid there ): Sad. Shall sleep now so I have enough energy to pull through tomorrow.. Should I have 122 tuition later? Heh.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
12:13 AM
Thursday, March 5
Today.. is one of the earliest nights I ever had in hall. Was back by 11.30pm and now am settling down ith lab report, overdue 112 tutorial and perhaps shall read chapters 21 and 22 of 122 later.
However, 6people are talking to me on msn now and facebook seems particularly alluring.. but I shall shut down soon and start to think about myself a little bit more. It's time I started getting selfish.
heart to heart talks rock!
I'm sorry.. that today I wasn't good with my words; that you had to dig everything out of me.. literally. I admire your conservative-ness? Please teach me whatever you deem fit.. over a mcflurry on this cold and wet night.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:50 PM
Wednesday, March 4
Last night, we dinnered at 7.30pm after much painful struggling with maths (only one set of lect notes please! Of which I didn't understand half the things in there!?!?). I was visibly in pain.. so we ordered in macs and pizzzahut! Whooooooooooot! But there goes the 50$ note in my wallet! ): ): ): ): ):
I think I made the right decision not to go to HTNS with KS so as to get some rest in the room and all.. took a hot shower.. wait. A cold one. Damn heater was not on!! And wrapped myself up in a jacket.. I swear it wasn't me! The weather was just like.. icy! And it ate right into your bones.. And Chanel agrees totally as I'm still complaining to her whilst typing this.
After dinner, we somehow threw away our work (so yesterday! ARGH) and proceeded to watch tv downstairs/ talk cock till 2am plus! ZOMG! And we got chased out of the tv room at 1.56am by the anal security guard. So much for wanting to rest early cos the night before I got ZERO hour of sleep and today, we both had morning lessons - mine at 8.30am and ending at 8pm while hers started at 9.30am and were to end past 7pm! We even were planning.. whether or nt to skip the first lesson. But cos Dr Sumod is such a nice guy, I spoke with resolution, "I'm definitely waking up!"
I'm amazed I actually woke up on my own (forgot to set alarm clock!! wth damn dangerous) and she snoozed 3 times.. HAHA! I even managed to bathe and wash my hair without waking her up in the process! Then grabbed a cheese sandwich from Cant 5 along the way before walking to school (: Ooops, the sleep deprivation totally manifested itself today during my 8 hours of lecture. I KO-ed during 112, physics (and even missed a break), during 811 (and even walked out halfway to go back to hall and slack abit in the tv room and just take a breather.. didn't go back to room cos roommie dear wasn't there and it would require me toscale three flights of stairs! LOL) and I skipped 122 to just snooze in that couch!
After that, walked to cant A to have my first peer tutoring session ever and it was gooooood! Maybe it's cos my knowledge is zero. LOL. It's this.. increasing returns to scale thing.. I love my peer tutor!!!!! OMG, imagine that through peer tutoring.. you actually meet the love of your life.. wahahahahahahaa. ANW! Immediately after the session ended, he went back to hall and I raaaaaaaaaang Chanel up for dinner! Ended up dapaoing back jap from cant A for both of us and chiiiiionging back to deliver it, warm (:
We're having dinner together now and facebooking.. by 9.30pm, we shall start mugging. No more talking.. it's an agreement. Haha! I'll let you know if we both stayed true to this one!
Tata for now..
On hindsight, those were such.. unexpectedly stunning and uncoventional kisses.Oh dang, I miss Ronin, Electrico and their songs! ARGHH. They're all just kinda on repeat mode in my head and heart now.. maybe that's what's making me so emo and faraway this week..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:31 PM
Tuesday, March 3
Roommie
bonding at its
ultimatum!
Last night
did not just happen. It all began around 11.30pm with a retarded nudge, before we decided to abandon all traces of schoolwork and troop down to the rooms to get a dose of some tv - she needed to kick the tv addiction during the recess week, while I did not even blink at a tv screen during that period so it was a surreal experience! LOLOLOL :D From the Tribune to ezlink cards and stickers, to coin games, archery, hall, renting a room and much bitchiness. From moonrise to moonset to sunrise, we caught it all.
Hung around after sunrise, disappointed and shagged out.. before deciding to climb to canteen 5 for breakfast. After coffee red bean bun, coffee bun and hot milo, I returned to my nest and attempted to do math but in 3minutes, I was flat out on the table. Slept for 1 hour and awoke, not remembering how I ended up on the table, what day it was, whether I had lessons, how much time did I have left to prepare, was lab over, did I miss lab? Damnit. I will never not sleep again, unless I only have mathlab the next day.. lol. After that, realised that my phone was dying and plugged in to charge while I took a bath.. when I came out, I saw.. BED! And happily pounced on it and fell asleep till 12noon! OMG!!! Awoke and dried the remaining moisture from my hair before going down to meet Jason and walking over to meet KY -heart heart heart heart heart- Caught up allllllllllllllllllllllll the way from the walk to canteen B, queueing for lunch, lunch itself, right up to inside the lab before we split up into our lab groups ): But that was enough.
Lab actually ended at 2.30pm plus. (Thanks to gandie, ks and cw for making lab bearable!) But due to some lingering and suayness, I ended up having to stay till 4.15pm! After which I promptly chionged to the bus stop and flew back to hall. Whilst topping up with hot water, I met cw who was wearing orange like me! Hohoho. Went back to room after a very brief chat only to find out that the bloody heater wasn't on yet. Grahhhh. I wanted to take a warm bath and wrap myself up in a jacket la. Heh heh.
Blogging when I'm so not supposed to be doing so now and watching some drama series. SHITASS! Where did all my discipline go to?! If only studies were like archery.. Id get up at 6am every morning to practice it and not sleep till 4am while working on equipment. Sigh! Life's like that. Later, I shall cheer myself up with a nice dapao dinner with roommie :D
This I want to say:Out on a clear blue sky when lightning strikes on a sunny day, just take me in and keep me from the rain.And the words just seem so hard to say, come back when you've gone awayJust stay a little while and hear me sayThat I want you here tonightThat I need you by my sideFor just one more moment, for just one more moment with you.till the time comes for us to move out
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
4:35 PM
Monday, March 2
How, how should I say this?
I need someone, someone sturdy and solid in faith to knock sense into me.. or hear from the horse's mouth that this is impossible. It will go nowhere.. So, stop while it's still early. Now when it's too late, then I'll lose everything.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:49 PM
After crying for 1hour plus non stop and using up half a box of tissues and half a roll of toilet paper, I think I got over it.
Day 2 (Sunday) of the competition
I shall update after my math test on Thursday.
At night, I KO-ed at 11.30pm and slept allllllllllllll the way till 8am plus this morning! Ended up reading a weeks worth of papers at home over a succulent ham and cheese sandwich (double cheese) and then doing the laundry and googoogagaing over my dog that I ended up skipping 112 tutorial and making it to school just in time for lunch and then chionging over for econs tutorial. I haven't seen KY for a week now and my heart is really aching ):
Had to chiong back to hall to grab my econs notes for the lecture at 4.30pm and ended up having a bowl of shaved ice until I was late for lecture.. haha :) The lecture notes were thick and uninteresting, even though we've delved into macroecons already. I still am not used to the uni style of econs.. Am still in love with the jc style of.. slowly and steadily.. lotsa content, but very meaningful as you digest it kinda econs.
Went to the quad for dinner with bf after that (: Had nice cai fan! Egg and onion, chicken, string beans and mushrooms, green vege!! Then went SHOPPIiIiIng at the mart there.. got my ring, superglue, screwdrivers, and wanted to get honey lemon strepsils there.. but ended up going to the mart at cant 2 for the latter.. also got the caribena (sp?) it's like such a nice purple! And yeah.. back to hall (:
Imma so gona study maths now before rest and relaxation later :D Tues is gona be all maths and play only in the evening as I'll be going out with KS to HTNS to take a look at the place! Then wed is so gona be maths day.. I even have peer tutoring after the 8 hours of lectures! Gua bu guai!? I so am gona pass this math test.. well.. and then SU it cos I dun wana study math for eoys. HAHAHA!
Byebyeeeeee.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:34 PM
/is this for real?
are you for real?
after all this while..
is it you?
too many questions. words went unspoken
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:21 AM
Saturday, February 28
Is this really me? I don' quite know what is going on anymore.. Today zoomed past me like a blur. I forgot time, place, the sun's rays, what it was like to see 2-8s, what it was like to feel hungry and eat a proper meal. I forgot.. how to smile, how lovely it was to drink without worrying about finding a toilet, fast, afterward.
All I remember and know that I did not touch anything except my pillows, bolster and blanket (no sheet of paper - notes) after my bath last night and KO-ed around 11.30pm or so after returning from Gavin's room to pass him panadol, have a look at jj's unwound top serving string, eat a macaron, label arrows, check my arrows and fletches, check his stuff and totally went OMG over his perpendicular clicker, set up, tested it out and was his bowstand for awhile, I woke up at 2.07am thinking that it was already morning. I was damnnnnn convinced that it was morning cos it was still dark at the time that I knew I was supposed to wakeup. So, I took a good long look at my phone and freaked out cos I still had so much more sleep to catchup with. I went back into a somewhat troubled sleep and arose again at 3.07am!?!??! After visiting the toilet, some mental cursing and swearing, I climbed into bed and concussed until my alarm rang, I switched it off, then wokeup at 6.25am only to panic and chiong everything before me, g, j went for breakfast at canteen 2 - which was closed! Damnit. And they made us wait till 7++am before we all got cups of hot milo (well in the kc-ness of the early morning, there was a spillage event, which I shall not mention details here) and da paoed toast over to the tentage.
Announcements, equipment checks, prepping the seniors, watching them go to the front line and battle the searing heat, other institutions and all; I felt this gush of pride inside. That made me smile, throughout my "duty" of being booked by so many people (FITA900 archers) - reminding J of the time, lending JK my pen, finding a puller (cos it was near impossible to pull arrows out of the scdf boards) and lending it to JK, helping WQ see grouping, going over to the tentage to check on JJ's progress with his nocking point, and most importantly, helping Mr. C kiap shirt and spot arrows, especially the first. I was also the H2O dispenser to seniors when they needed it, morale support and smiley face to everyone who turned back to look for a familiar face for comfort, the one who said stuff to them as how they would advise us.. the one who would run to the end of the range to get towels to cover their grips when the raindrops started, the one who stuck our her tongue at the same time as they did when a bad shot landed on the paper, the one who screamed PIIIIINCH LAST ARROW at the same time as J at 50m or BUANNNNNNG, ARGHHHHH, the one who smiled sighs of joy and relief when a good shot hit xx1098, xx1010?? and the archer turned back for a nod of approval (it was an indescribable feeling, at 40m. and i wana feel it again!!), the one who drew up chairs in the shade for them to take breaks, the one who did so much for them that I was sooooo satisfied with their performance/ my support role that I sort of gave lunch a miss to just stop and savour the moment and had to warmups alone. Oh boy!
Sighting was some seriously cool shit. 3 ends of 8, 6 then 5 arrows cos I wanted to conserve energy. The first end was cocked. The second was like O.O how the f did I get so many yellows? The third.. "this isn't true". Out of 5 arrows, I shot X 10 10 then 2 reds.. But when the real scoring began, every little damn thing took a turn for the worse. My sufficient yet disturbed sleep last night, my muscle aches, my bladder, my throat, my eyes, my lips, the sunburns from the morning, the oversized shirt.. Never have I shot like that.. for 1 month, all I was used to seeingw as 27+, 28+ and the occassional 29+.. today, I don't even wana tell you what I saw. But it was reallllllly bad.
After the event, there was lots to tie up as it started raining and I chionged over to the compound archers' lanes to take down target papers. And, AFTER we took all 27 boards of paper down, the rain stopped =.= o.o p.p
But it did come down heavier after that.. for awhile.. and rained till 7pm. I'm safely back in room now, still not quite sure of what I'm feeling, my bladder isn't doing good and I don't know what am I gona do for breakfast tomorrow.. Shizz.
Still, somewhere deep down there, a teeny part of me feels fulfilled and wanting to do more of this kinda thing.. where I put aside all else, and devote everything.. all the time, screw the kel outings.. go for dinner and talk about foc 08/09.. everything.. devote just everything.. to my CCA. Tomorrow Lord, will be a better day. For IKO and TKO. Help me to forget today, slowly but surely. Mould my tomorrow into what will please you.. and pick me out of my little mess. Help me find some meaning in all this.. everyday I ask, how will doing this glorify you? I think today I found the answer in my seniors. Thank you Lord :D
I now cannot wait for indoor and pesta sukan! Will anyone be there like how I was there for you today? Will I have grown by then? How much? Who will guide me, when you're not there?
Not again, those 4 little words : "Don't worry about me".
How can anyone not worry? At a time like this and when the weather is so choppy.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
6:36 PM
Friday, February 27
Rose.. is confused.
And really shouldn't be blogging now, but all that's on my mind is . . . and well, tomorrow. I just have too much to do, but I'm in no frame of mind nor in the right physical condition to get down to doing it. Next week.. next week. Everyday till Thursday, I shall dedicate to you, oh MAS182.
On a happier note, somehow managed to check the eca records and the stuff about subcom and iac are in.. :D I have this feeling.. that I really cannot stay hall in the next academic year. Anw. I have to finish blogigng asap so I can sleep asap so I can wakeup on time, help to wake others up, get myself all warmed up and satisfy my tummy with waffle and milo (: I realised that when I talk about food, I can only give happy faces!!!! :D :p
About the headaches, the passing fevers, the sudden onsets of sets of sneezes, the muscle aches from being too involved, thank God for panadol, my best friend. Even though it's supposed to be a banned substance before competition!? I don't know why.
- massage
- shirt
- my red tee came
- prince shorts should have ss
- alternative http://www.altservices.co.uk/
- hw111a i'm done with my slides and script
- what will happen to church this weekend?
- the intense heat coupled with not wearing sleeves and never put sunblock has just turned me into a half grilled salmon with special sauce
- my lips are burnt
- i wana get outta school
- i wana take mc on monday
The past 23hours of my life were my happiest and saddest at the same time. I need to get my thoughts together and piece up the fragments, which have never me cut so deep before..
In the end, it all boils down to the same questions and answers:
U okay?
Yup. Okie. Don't worry.
How can I not worry?
I know.. it's impossible.. but I really can't just let this go. I think I'm falling into it, deeper. It's this fatal attraction.. of which I can't keep my eyes off. And the more it is in sight, the more I just want to admire on. I can't help it..
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
9:45 PM
Wednesday, February 25
SH is over at my place now!
But I'm somewhat too tired and too unwilling to do my hw111A and dreading tomorrow to be excited even though I really am. Haha (:
Shall shower and start on it asap and concuss by 1230 so I can wake up at 6.30am tomorrow for breakfast and an early shoot. Doughnuts (tiramisu and white choc cinnamon), ham and cheese sandwich and oh how I wish I could pao myself a warm cup of horlicks too. But for such an insane hour, warm water will do.
Nighty! :D
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
11:32 PM
Tuesday, February 24
I really shouldn't be blogging now..
I'm catching/ caught a cold, the only thing I managed to do properly today was cleaning up my arrows, airing my arrow case, doing up my extra centre serving, jj and anurad's extra centre serving (which is sadly the same colour as mine ): ): ): ): ): ) Taking retarded photos of my little redhead and cleaning up my room.
What went right today : having my shao ji shao rou fan and getting to training on time, shooting in the rain with my brand new husband, getting acquainted with him, cleaning him up after day one's hard work of only about 4 ends? Waxing.. making the captain do my nocking point after chuii-ing it twice. Oh oh! And today's the first time that a guy other than my dad pao-ed a ht cuppa milo moccha for me with jusssst a little too much water but albeit satisfying to a crampy tummy and cold insides. Gona attempt to start on real work riiiiight after I finish this blogpost. My dearest boyfriend flying down to jp to get me bakerzin macarons in 3 different flavours and my favourite coffee bean's vanilla ice blended after getting me that beauuuutiful top from novena's esprit yesterday after lunch. Skipping breakfast and dinner and maye having supper later. HAHA!!
What went wrong : not doing much at the project meeting this morning, playing with the wrong cat, training in the rain cos of stubborness, shivering in the cold, not getting past page 2 of the first lecture of econs when the test isn't even next week and the one next week is maths, of which out of 7 lectures nothing, NOTHING went in, after going for 4 tutorials, nothing, NOTHING went in.. If you throw me the simplest question now, I cannot answer you at all. Blogging this blogpost.
Off to work now. Must finish 4 sets of econs lect notes before I start any wandering off. I may attempt to study lects 1 and 2 of maths tonight. YES I CAN! With the need to wakeup tomorrow morning to help pant the field, I shall not rest too late tonight so that tomorrow I can look at 2 econs tutorials or at least 1 before I chu fa!! Tatatatatatata.
P.S : Thank you God for giving me a peer tutor!
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
8:01 PM
Wednesday, February 11
My first two earholes are infected, next two earholes are closing/bleeding/semi infected from repeated trials to poke through and salvage them. My 3rd hole is thankfully, okay. Haha..
I can't believe that I'm in week 6 of semester 2, I can't believe that I may have just gotten 100% for my first test of the season, I can't believe that I'm blogging when I have 115 things on my to list and I can't wait to watch Bride Wars with my girls..
On a heavier note, this week has gotta be the most number of times where I did not meet my most respected boss on fields of green and potholes or bumming around in his room. And.. I stole a t gauge today from one of those recrea packs. Haha :D
Tata!
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:19 PM
Saturday, January 31
Wow, it's the end of January already!
Grr.
Other matters aside, I am sinking into competition mode.. sinker deeper down. 270 270 270, here I come. And I'm even gona make it.. 280.. it would be ideal if I made it 285. ARGH!
I've got too much to say, but I shan't blog as yet. I shall blog like 5 months worth of stuff when the real holidays come. HAHA. Tata for now :D
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:23 PM
Wednesday, January 21
Today.. SUCKED!
4 hours of useless lectures, nodding off, trying to keep to my resolution, trying my very best.. but I really couldn't keep up ):
Had a good and totally needed break with my loves at the quad.. wanted to get the eye drops but they weren't sold there ): God sent Jun Jie along to grant me two precious drops.. that were gone by the time I reached lt19A =x
The lecturer. . . . . . . -buries head in the sand- TCMI! zomg. I managed to get myself a high score on facebook games and even burn cds during lectures today.
122 -.- another useless one.
I seriously think..
that I should...
QUIT SCHOOL! :D :P :] :} :) :p
Anw, shot afterward till 7.30pm? Met some new and vaguely interesting people. Interesting in an annoying way =x Well, that's life.
Washed up a little, then dinner at Sakae :D Had like clam soup pasta! -DROOLS DROOLZ DROOLXZXZ- and I'm off to drool somemore, cos I'm hopelessly stuck at math tutorial, which I 've been trying to do since Sunday. BYE.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
10:43 PM
Saturday, January 17
Finally bought my hirudoid.
We're entering into week 3 of semester 2 year 1 now.. 3, 2, 1~
And all's been good so far. I've been cutting down alot on snacking beyond dinner, going early for tuts, lects, doing my own prep before lessons, pouncing on tutorials when they pop up on edventure, shooting, spending breaks.. wisely, most of the time :) Now, I need to spend more itme in my room, in LWN library or in the study room downstairs, as well as not sleeping past 2 unless lessons start at 10.30am the next day.. then I'll allow myself to sleep at 2.30am, max!! And I also need to start wearing my retainers.. for the goo dof my teeth, mom's money and my stomach. HEH! Need to start running on Monday and Wednesday nights too ): I need a week 3 & 4 to do list. HAHA!
Anw, the first thing on the to-do list would be to blog less. . . Bye now, gona do the chores.
lost myself, my soul, my sanity @
3:03 PM
